From : Me
Mom, there are so many things burden me these days. The thought like, Iam not nice girl, too cold, too bold. Iam just lacking in many ways, I'm sorry. Though I did my very best.
Do you know why am I bold? cold? and stressful? because Iam not nice and trying to be nice, but its sooo hard.
Do you know how many times I am grateful having you as ma mom? Of course you won't know, because I never tell you. Later I'll tell you mom, how I am so grateful to God that sent me to you and Dad when I was born.
Mom, Iam not nice girl, when Iam seeing those wrinkles around your eyes but I couldn't do anything. Iam not nice girl when you got so many problems, but I just stand still can't do real act or solve it for you.
Iam also not nice, when you told me boldly about what you want, what you dreaming but yet I cant make it happen. Though I did my best. I did very best.
Iam not nice, when Iam start comparing other's achieve with mine. and someday the thought like, I wanna escape as far as I can. To Golden Triangle, Tanjung Puting, Amazon, North Pole or anywhere where I can live freely no one knows me. Iam very very not nice right?
Sometimes you said, "my daughter is all grown up, can make decision by herself" Thats how you label me as your forever nice girl. thats how you turn me into. By saying that, Do you know hom much Iam tearing up inside?
Mom, Iam not nice girl. Iam really really desperately wanna escape because I can't be the nice one. But you believe me as a nice one, believe with all your heart and all you have. How come I so cowardly escape then?
Mom, can't you wait a little more? I can't guarantee tomorrow, but I'll do my very best and pray hardly. Tomorrow is how hard I make it and how God destined. Will you pray along with me? You would. without me asking it.
Mom, you surely unable to read this letter, but later your nice girl will tell you directly. I'll tell you all about me. I promise.
Sincerely,
Your (forever) nice girl
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